Founders Four
by BookwormExtraordinary
Summary: Founders. What happened when Salazar curses Godric, Helga travels through time, Hogwarts never exited, Harry and Draco are good friends, and witch burnings are common? HHGG. RRSS. HGRW.  GWHP.  Slight Parady.
1. The Horn Call

A/N: This is my first founders' fic, so it may seem a bit...weird.

* * *

A man in a dark robes stands on a hill looking down on the site of his next murder, a castle. "That fool, he cannot even afford to have proper security. It only took me two seconds to dispose of those foolish guards; normally it takes at least five." His mission: kill the obstacle. The obstacle: Godric Gryffindor. Half a mile away, the obstacle awoke.

* * *

Godric Gryffindor looked in the mirror, was he really ugly and fat? If not, why did Cynthia Roberts say he was? He looked deep into the surface, trying to find mar in his appearance. Nope, he was just handsome Godric Gryffindor. The mirror reflected a tall man, about mid-twenties, with long jet-black hair and a flawless face studded with twin hazel eyes. What was wrong with Cynthia? He was the angel of perfection, like he always was. If you're the angel of perfection, why doesn't Helga go out with you? Drat, it was that little voice in his head, come back to haunt him. Then again, the voice had a good point, if he was so stunningly handsome, why wasn't Helga Hufflepuff on her knees begging for him to go out with her and not the other way around? His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the window. Actually it wasn't a knock, more like a rock, a big huge rock that now lay on Godric's carpet, along with the remains of the window. The rock uncurled and he could see it was not a rock, but a man. He snatched up his wand from his bedside table, this man meant trouble, most probably deadly trouble.

"Ah, Godric, your guards were to easy to dispose of."

"That's because they haven't been to guard camp for a while."

"You send them to guard camp? Well, no matter. I was hired to kill you and that's what I intend to do."

"Well, you won't." He thought fast, which one of his spells would serve him the best? He decided to try a new one that he had only tested on mice. "Petrificus Totalus!" The assassin froze with his hands pinned to his sides. He then slowly toppled over backwards. "YES!" Now he could boast to his friends about this! He stepped over to the horn. The horn was a large bison horn, connected to some tubes. Each tube went to a different friend. He picked up his horn and opened the tube that connected to his best mate, Salazar Slytherin. "Salazar?"

"Yo."

"You'll never guess what happened, not in a million, zillion, bachillion, quadrillion, phosferillion years squared!"

"Godric."

"I just defeated an assassin in my own castle with a prototype spell that I had only tried on rats before!" Godric said in one breath.

"Yowzers. Which spell?"

"The full body-bind I was telling you about. Because of it, my to-be-assassin in laying unconscious on my carpet! I wonder who as paying him."

"Probably an ex-girlfriend."

"Hey!"

"It's true, there was Jennifer, Hailey, Barbara, Amanda, Alyssa, Beth, Marie, Maria, Burgundy, Nicole, John's girlfriend, what's her face."

"Alicia."

"Thanks, Alicia, Anissa, Kali, Kelly, Mary, Keshena, Sarah, Zelda, and Alexis."

"And Cynthia."

"You dumped Cynthia?"

"No, she dumped me, she said I was fat and ugly. I'm never letting you set me up on a blind date again."

"It wasn't my fault! The agency said they were known throughout medieval England for their matchmaking skills. You must have been the first time they failed."

"Yeah, well, after twenty girlfriends I think I should quit dating."

"Twenty girlfriends, nineteen broken hearts, one happy heart, Cynthia's."

"That's the first time I've been dumped."

"Just imagine what it would be like if those other nineteen girls dumped you too, hmm? What would you have done?"

"I would have stopped dating long ago."

"See, you probably stopped all of those women from having love lives now, gal-dangit Godric!"

"Oh."

"I should…" he fell silent.

"Salazar."

"THAT'S IT! THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO! Godric, you are never going to have feelings for another woman again unless she is the one fate decreed that you should be with for eternity. DATONNA!"

* * *

Helga Hufflepuff smiled as she looked in the mirror. As a blonde she was always being looked down upon, especially since she was a very short blonde. Although the no-nonsense brown eyes helped people from making fun of her to her face, she was still aware of the unpleasantness that occurred behind her back. Just then her horn rang. "Hello?"

"Oh, Helga, you cannot believe what is happening."

"Rowena, where are you?"

"Um…"

"Are you in Salazar's bedchamber again?"

"Yes. But you'll never guess what conversation Salazar is having this very moment with Godric."

She grit her teeth, "Gryffindor."

"Well, yes. I'm on my mobile horn, you know how up-to-date I am, right? Well, sweetie, Salazar just cursed Gryffindor over the horn."

"Is that possible?"

Helga could almost see her shrug, "Apparently."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What spell did he use?"

"A new one, I had never heard it before. Luckily, Salazar explained the spell to him before he used it, or we would still be clueless. He said: 'Godric, you are never going to have feelings for another woman again unless she is the one fate decreed that you should be with for eternity. DATONNA!'"

"Rowena!" Helga cried as she felt a spell take hold. "What did you do that for?"

"Do what for?"

"Curse me!"

"I cursed you?"

"Rowena, you used to be the smartest out of the four of us. Now you just cursed your best friend. I think that sleeping with Salazar has dulled your brain!"

"Hey! Be nice to my little Salazar or I will curse you again, this time on purpose!"

"You be nice to me!"

"No!"

"Fine! What are we going to do, now that you cursed me with Salazar's curse?"

There was a pause and when Rowena started to talk again there was a panicking sound to her voice that Helga had never heard before. "I—I don't know! I think you're right. Sleeping with Salazar has dulled my brain. I can't even think logically anymore. Helga, I'm scared, I'm becoming stupid!"

"It's okay, Rowena, calm down."

"NO!"

"ROWENA! CALM DOWN!"

"Jeeze, Helga, you're not very calm yourself."

Helga took a deep breath before she heard Rowena's protests as her horn was tugged away, "Rowena?"

A different voice came on the horn and the sound of it made Helga's heart stop. "Helga? I—I love you." It was Godric Gryffindor. Professing his love for the only girl who would not have him. "Wow, that came out wrong. I never imagined saying that to a girl and actually meaning it. Helga, are you still there? I apologize. I never meant for that to happen. I love you!" She heard noises that sounded like Godric was smacking himself around the head. "I'm sorry Helga, I better got off of the line before I really make a fool of myself." Then the horn on the other end of the tube went dead.

There was a knock at Helga's door, "Open up by order of the king!"


	2. Time Travel?

There was a knock at Helga's door, "Open up by order of the king!"

"Which king?" She asked politely as she hurried about, cleaning up all things that would point to her being a witch.

"King Alfred the Great of Wessex."

"Oh, drat, that king," she murmured, then added louder, "Who are you?" She threw her wand into her cabinet and set Roland, her pet cat—who was really her last date in a cat suit—on top.

"I am Captain Edward, now open the door, woman!"

"Rude," she opened the door, "Come in."

Half of the dozen men walked around her, two grabbing her arms and the other four searching her room. The leader leaned on her doorframe; "We are here to arrest you for charges of witchcraft!"

"Me? A witch? You must be joking!"

"No, it is not a joke."

"Who claimed that I was a witch?"

"One Godric Gryffindor."

"That, that, vile, lying, little cockroach! He better be running, because when I catch him, he won't have anything left to run with!"

"Miss. Hufflepuff, Mr. Gryffindor is under the protection of the King's own men, you have no way to reach him." With that he laughed.

"You. Don't. Know. What. I'm. Capable. Of." She stomped on one man's foot and twirled around to punch the other man with her free fist. With a sickening crunch, the man let go to tend to his broken nose. The other men rushed in from the doorway and Helga turned around and around, punching and kicking all people in the vicinity until they were all knocked out cold, or pretending to be knocked out cold. She opened the cabinet, removed her wand, hid it in her robes, hurried out of the door, and down the spiral stairs. She didn't get very far. The captain who had attempted to arrest her had obviously brought backup. She was surrounded. No matter how much she punched, kicked, and bit the soldiers, they just kept coming. She was losing strength fast. Her arms were becoming tired and she was about ready to give up. But then she realized what would happen if she was captured. If she was captured, no fair trial awaited her. Instead, the only thing to look forward to was the stake, burning at the stake. Another man stepped forward and she felt a pricking on her arm, she had been administered a shot. She felt the sedative seep through her bloodstream. Her last thought was Why did Godric do it?

* * *

Godric Gryffindor looked in the mirror, his hose, tunic, and cape looked dashing. And clean, yes, clean was good. He only hoped that Helga liked clean as much as he did. Tonight was the night; tonight he was going to go with Helga Hufflepuff on a date. A surprise date. The best kind of date. Just then someone knocked on his door. Wait, how could someone knock on his door when he owned a castle and he was in the uppermost room? He walked over and opened the door. "Why, hello Salazar! What a pleasant surprise!" He greeted his visitors, "And Rowena too! My dear, you need a haircut. Now why are you here when we just spoke on the horn?"

Rowena spoke up, Salazar next to her glaring at Godric, "What do you mean, why are we here? And why are you dressed up? Going to Helga's funeral are you?"

"Funeral? What funeral? And yes, I was just going over to Helga's house for a surprise date. Doubt that she'd like it though, probably won't want anything to do with me."

"For your information, Gryffindor," Salazar spoke through clenched teeth, "Helga Hufflepuff was arrested today for charges of witchcraft. What she asked who had claimed that she was a witch, the captain in charge of her arrest stated that her betrayer was none other than one Godric Gryffindor. So now we are here to avenge the impending death of a dear, dear friend of ours, Helga Hufflepuff."

"Oh, no." Godric was in a state of shock. Helga Hufflepuff, the only girl that he had ever truly loved, was scheduled to be burnt at the stake. Burning at the stake was preceded by… Oh, no, a burning at the stake was preceded by checking the victim over for signs of a pact made with the Devil. The checking of the victim cold last up to a week and involved being stabbed with pins. The checking also involved the victim being naked in front of dozens of medieval men. Not good.

Rowena whispered quietly, "Why Godric, why?" He looked up at her and saw that she had tears silently streaking down her face. Salazar noticed and wiped the tears from her face as he held her. For once, just once, Godric had thought that he might have that kind of love; unfortunately, his non-existent relationship with Helga had just been terminated by someone who had posed as Godric to get to Helga. The question was, who was it?

* * *

Helga came to in a cell. All she could see were concrete walls and steel bars. Two blue uniformed men (that is, the uniforms were blue, not the men) were standing outside of the cell where she was laying on the cold, hard ground. Not noticing that she was conscious, they were talking to each other.

"Wonder why she's here," one said, "We don't have any records of her being arrested."

The second one answered, "Why don't you wake her up and ask her, Frank?"

"Because, you fool, " spat Frank, "We have explicit instructions not to wake her up. Do you want to get in trouble with Tanenbaum?"

Helga sat up, not willing to get the second man in trouble, "I am awake."

Frank looked at her, surprised, and asked, "How did you get here?"

"I do not have that knowledge. Have you the knowledge of the year?"

Frank looked at his companion, then back to her, "What do you mean, what year is it? It is 2007, like it has been for the past twenty-eight days. What year do you come from?"

"I hail from the fifth year of the reign of King Alfred the Great of Wessex in the Year of our Lord 876."

"Really, somehow I don't believe you."

"Well then, I guess the feeling is mutual. I don't believe that this is 2007, and you don't believe the I come from 876."

"Well, its not really a matter of I don't believe you, it's more a matter of impossibilities versus realities."

"Well, if I can understand you, than I guess the times haven't changed as much as I would have thought."

"WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO HER? GET BACK TO WORK, FRANK HABBERNOBBER, OR YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE THAT TEMPORARY LEAVE OF ABSENCE PERMENENT!" The speaker was a red-faced man who had just walked out of a room to Helga's left.

"Sir," Helga spoke up, "He was simply being polite. I, being a stranger to these times."

Frank mumbled under his breath, "You got that right!"

"I don't care if you are the President of the United States! I want Frank and Bob to get back to work now before I fire them!"

"President of the United States? What is a President of the United States?"

"The President of the United States is the man in charge of running this blasted country of ours!"

"What about that fire?"

"Fire?"

"You said that you were going to fire them."

"Firing someone means kicking them out of work."

"Ah. Might I ask where in Europe this United States of America is?"

"Europe? The United States is across the Atlantic Ocean from Europe. Now we are in North America."

"North America?"

"North America."

* * *

Godric turned to Rowena, "What should we do?"

She giggled, "I don't know."

"Why did you giggle?"

She giggled, "I don't know."

"Can you say anything else?"

She giggled, "I don't know."

"Do you know anything?"

She giggled, "I don't know."

He turned to Salazar, "I think sleeping with her has dulled her brain."

Salazar blushed, "I have not been sleeping with her!"

"Then why are you blushing?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I felt like blushing."

"Men of your caliber, Salazar, don't blush."

"Maybe I don't want to be a man of my caliber anymore, Godric."

"Two words. Too. Bad."

She giggled, "I don't know."

The two men turned to her, "You don't know what?" Godric asked exasperated.

She held up a letter that an owl had apparently just delivered, "I don't know what the spell is that I used to curse Helga."

"YOU CURSED HELGA!" Godric shouted.

"Yes!" She said, as proudly as if she had just won a prize.

"Rowena," Salazar warned, "That is not a good thing."

"It's not?" She asked, confusion written on every line of her face.

"No, it's not."

"I DON'T GIVE A (Censored) ABOUT YOUR (Censored) (Censored) AFFAIR! ROWENA (Censored) CURSED HELGA AND YOU'RE JUST (Censored) BEING (Censored) ALL RIGHT WITH IT! (Censored)!"

Rowena cowered behind Salazar as Godric's anger manifested itself. A large tornado blew around the room, fed by Godric's anger.

Salazar stood calmly among the storm, "Dude, two words. Anger. Management."

Godric chuckled and the wind died down, "I guess your right, I don't even know what Rowena cursed Helga with."

Rowena answered brightly, "The spell my Sally-Wally used to curse Godric!"

"Sally-Wally?" Asked Salazar, confused.

His reply, however, was drowned out by the sound of Godric's bellow, "YOU CURSED HELGA WITH THE SAME CURSE SALAZAR USED ON ME! SHE CAN'T LOVE ANYONE OF HER OWN ACCORD NOW! ROWENA RAVENCLAW, WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU ARE GOING TO WISH YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!"

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Yes, it is very, very bad, Rowena, I suggest you run."

"I won't leave you, Sally-Wally!"

"RUN!"

"Fine." Rowena ran to the door and all the way back, returning to hiding behind Salazar.

"Um, Rowena, if I were you, I would run, NOW!"

"I'm not leaving you, Sally-Wally!" She ran in front of Salazar 'protecting' him from Godric. "I love you, Sally-Wally!"

"Can't you just call me Salazar? That is the name my mother gave me." Salazar said, annoyed.

"I love you, Salazar Slytherin!"

A wind blew through the room that had nothing to do with Godric's tornado. The wind surrounded Rowena, hiding her from the views of Godric—whose tornado was winding down—and Salazar—who was standing there, stunned, from Rowena's words. The wind disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared, revealing Rowena Ravenclaw—dressed only in a loose, flowing shift—floating five feet in the air, her eyes shut.

"ROWENA!" Screamed Salazar.

* * *

Rowena Ravenclaw was oddly at peace. She could hear her lover's screams, yet they didn't matter. She could see his distraught face, yet it didn't matter. All she could take notice of was the voice.

_Rowena, you have come._

'Yes, I have come.'


	3. Arrests and Suicide

Helga Hufflepuff was upset. Actually, she was more than upset, she was furious. And trust me, you do not want to see a furious Helga Hufflepuff. She was furious because she knew that if she weren't, she would brake down into tears. She would rather be furious. She was also scared, sure she put up a tough front, but that was because she hadn't had time to adjust to the twenty-first century. Imagine, the earth actually survived that long!

She told herself to think. All right. She was stuck 1131 years forward in time. It was all right. She was a witch. She was well practiced in the arts of deceit and stealth. She had her wand? She patted her robe. Yes, there it was. She had her wand. Now she just needed to find some more witches and wizards. Where to look, where to look. She should probably start from where she left, London, England. Now, how to get there. Duh, apperate! How stupid could she be?

Helga stood, concentrated on London, and felt like she was being sucked down a tube.

* * *

Hermione Weasley looked around. What was that noise? She was grocery shopping in muggle London when she heard a noise that could only be apperation. Most magical people would just assume it was a car backfiring. Hermione, however, knew better. Working in the Ministry's apperation department, Hermione had a keen ear to tell what was apperation and what was just a noisy car.

Now, who on earth would apperate in the middle of muggle London? Sighing, she pulled a small metal box that served as her 'apperation detector'. It told her who apperated, where they were, where they apperated from, how old they were, if they were carrying any other people, and if they had an apperation license. She looked at it, shocked. It said:

Name:-------------------------------------Helga Hufflepuff

Apperation Location:----------------------Baton Rouge, Louisiana, USA

Current Location:--------------------------London, UK

Age:---------------------------------------1151

Luggage:-----------------------------------None

License:------------------------------------Yes

Expiration Date on License:-----------------December 13, 892

Hermione shook it, it must be broken. No one apperated across the Atlantic in one go. No one alive was over eleven hundred years old. No one was named Helga Hufflepuff. Helga Hufflepuff was the name of the witch who had disappeared in the year 876. Helga Hufflepuff was assumed to have been burned at the stake. Helga Hufflepuff had disappeared and was still the founder of a house at Hogwarts because of her loyalty. And because it was rumored that Godric Gryffindor had been in love with her.

Hermione shook her head. What was she thinking? There was no school called Hogwarts. Helga Hufflepuff had disappeared, Rowena Ravenclaw had gone into a trance and still remained in it to this day, Godric Gryffindor went mad trying to find Helga, and Salazar Slytherin committed suicide. There was no school called Hogwarts.

She had been discovered to have powers and had been raised for seven years by the Weasleys along with a boy named Harry Potter. She, Harry, and the youngest boy, named Ron, were always getting into trouble of some sort or another. She had married Ron and Harry had married Ginny, the youngest child and the only girl.

No one trusted each other. Witch and wizard burnings were still common. This is how it was. For some reason, Hermione still had reoccurring dreams about a world at war. Harry was an orphan whose parents had been killed by an evil wizard named Lord Voldemort. Draco Malfoy hated all things muggle. There was a school named Hogwarts, founded by Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, Godric Gryffindor, and Salazar Slytherin, where everyone trusted each other, to some extent, at least. There had been a large community called Diagon Alley, where there were hundreds of shops, all right next to each other, no one fearing for their goods.

Hermione's musings were interrupted by a voice, "Hello, I was wondering if you could point me to London, I seem to have gotten lost."

"Ma'am, you are in London. It's hard to miss." She looked at her closer. "Where are you from, anyway?"

"America."

"How long did it take you to get here?"

"A couple of months. You know how slow horses can be."

Bingo. This was the 1151-year-old woman. Hermione just didn't expect her to be so young looking. "Could you come over here for a minute?" She followed Hermione into the alley. "You are under arrest for appearating in a muggle filled area with an expired license.

"What?"

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. You have the right to a trial by your peers. Do you understand these rights as I have just told you?" While she had been speaking, Hermione had pulled out some handcuffs and attached them to Helga's wrists.

"Yes. But where are you taking me?"

"Azkaban."

"Azkaban?"

"Yes. Azkaban is the prison where all rule breakers go. I'll pull you out in a couple of months, when I've gotten together enough people who are trusting and willing enough to participate in a trial."

"This is a twisted, twisted world."

"That it is. But we can't change it now."

* * *

'Why am I here?'

_Rowena, you must receive knowledge._

'How long will it take?'

_Longer than your lifetime._

'Won't I die?'

_No, you are in suspended animation. You will not be released until the knowledge is complete._

'What about Godric? Helga? Salazar?'

_They will die. But you will meet them all when the knowledge is complete._

'What does this knowledge entail?'

_Everything. You will learn everything there ever was to know._

'How quickly does time pass in here?'

_The same as outside._

'When does the knowledge start?'

* * *

Salazar was in shock. Rowena was gone. The one person he loved more than life was gone. She wasn't coming back to him. The witchdoctor had said that the trance was semi-permanent and relied on an event to trigger the release of it. As far as he could see—which was pretty far in the future—by the year 2000, Rowena would still be in the trance. _I love you, Salazar Slytherin!_ Her last words echoed in his head. _I love you, Salazar Slytherin!_ How those words could affect him. He couldn't live without her, of that he was certain.

He would have to die.

That realization came strangely clear. Salazar was oddly at peace with his end. Sure, it would be braver to die fighting, but Salazar was handy with a sword and didn't anticipate dying anytime soon.

He would have to kill himself.

Aye, that he would.

A jump off a cliff.

That would serve him well.

Aye, that night, Salazar Slytherin would jump off a cliff, to his death.


	4. You're who?

Salazar stood, peering over the cliff, trying to have second thoughts. Unfortunately, the only thought he was thinking was Rowena.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and jumped. He expected to feel death any moment. However, all he felt was wet. His eyes opened with a snap and he tried to swim. Unfortunately, Salazar Slytherin couldn't swim. "Help! Help! A little aid here!" He shouted as he floundered in a river that he recognized as the Thames. "Help! I can't swim!" Soon, he felt someone grab him and pull him to shore.

"What were you thinking? Jumping in the Thames this time of year? You'd freeze to death!"

Salazar looked up at his rescuer and froze. It was a boy, about twenty years old; he had untidy black hair and green eyes—like Godric. Exactly like Godric.

"Godric Gryffindor?"

The boy looked puzzled. "No, I'm Harry Potter. Godric Gryffindor went mad over eleven hundred years ago."

"NO! Godric Gryffindor is alive and well and it's 876!"

"NO! Godric Gryffindor is mad and you are too because it's 2007!"

"2007? As in after the year 2000?"

"Yes."

"Is Rowena awake yet?"

"Rowena Ravenclaw has been in a trance for eleven hundred years."

"And," Salazar hesitated, not wanting to know, "what happened to Salazar Slytherin?"

"He jumped off a cliff and died after Rowena went into the trance."

"Helga Hufflepuff?"

"She was burnt at the stake. Why do you want to know so much about those old duffers?"

Salazar puffed up. "Those old duffers, as you put it, are very good friends of mine. Allow me to introduce myself." He bowed. "I am Salazar Slytherin."

* * *

Godric Gryffindor opened the door and then shut it with a bang after shouting, "I DON'T WANT TO ORDER CASKETS!" He sobbed. Helga was dead, Salazar was dead, Rowena was in a trance. He was all alone. No matter how appetizing it might look, he would never jump off a cliff like Salazar did. Salazar. Helga. Rowena. Helga. Helga. Helga. He looked up and saw them. "Helga! Rowena! Salazar!" He ran over to hug them, but they disappeared. "NO!"

* * *

Rowena smiled, the knowledge was almost complete.

_Christopher Columbus discovered what we now call the West Indies. He called the people there Indians because he thought he had reached India._

'Christopher Columbus discovered what we now call the West Indies. He called the people there Indians because he thought he had reached India.'

* * *

Ron Weasley was happy. He had a wife, two kids with a third on the way, a lovely house, and he was looking at a woman who had been in a trance for over eleven hundred years. He looked up at her and froze, her eyes were open and she was looking straight at him. "Hello."

Ron screamed, then ran. No job as night watchman was worth this.

"Come out Ronald Weasley! I mean you no harm."

"How-How do you know my name?"

"I know everything. That is why I was in the trance. I received the knowledge. I know when the world will end, who the next Prime Minister will be. When the next war will be that involves the United Kingdom. I know everything."

"Everything?"

"I know what should have happened, but didn't. I know who is responsible. Do you know a man who calls himself Spartacus?"

"No."

"Drat. Do you know where we can find someone who will help us?"

"Harry, Ginny, and Hermione!"

"Please contact them. I would like to just sit and think for a moment."

"Alright."

* * *

Ginny was shocked. She had just been walking down a deserted alleyway when suddenly, a man appeared out of nowhere! That wasn't the strangest part; the strangest part was that he appeared without any noise. And the fact that he looked just like her husband.

"Harry? What are you doing here?"

"I'm not Harry. My name is Godric, Godric Gryffindor."

"_Godric Gryffindor!_"

"Yes. Are you a hallucination brought on by grief?"

"No."

"Then what are you?"

"I'm Ginny Weasley Potter, Harry's wife. You know, you look just like Harry."

"Whose Harry?"

"Why, my husband, Harry Potter! Well, actually, it's not that astonishing, really, he's just a regular guy, wizard, actually. Are you a wizard?"

"Yes, that I am."

Ginny breathed a sigh of relief, "Well, at least now I won't have to modify your memory. You know, no one's perfected it, it can cause you to go crazy."

"I'm already crazy."

"You seem perfectly sane to me."

"Well…"

"Is not what you see what you get?"

"It is, but-"

"No buts." Just then, a ringing sound came out of nowhere. "That must be my beeper. Yes?" She listened for a moment. "Yep. I'll be right there." She turned to Godric. "That was my brother, Ron. He's called a family meeting. That would include me, Harry, Ron, and Ron's wife, Hermione. They said that he had a surprise for us. I think I'll have a surprise too. Why don't you come with me?"

"Sure. How do we get there?"

"Grab my hand. Now, close your eyes." He did so. Ginny concentrated on Ron's house. There was a pop. They opened their eyes. They were there. Godric's mouth dropped open. "Helga? Salazar? Rowena?"

* * *

Harry looked at the man in surprise, this was Salazar Slytherin? The man who had jumped off a cliff to end his life and had somehow ended up in the Thames eleven hundred years in the future? Just as he was opening his mouth to ask a few questions, his beeper rang. "Hello? Hi Ron. Yeah, I'll be there. Love ya, bye." He looked up the man, "You'll have to come with me, I've got a few questions to ask you."

He motioned for the man to take his hand. Harry concentrated on Ron's house. There was a pop. Harry opened his eyes. They were there. Salazar's mouth dropped open. "Rowena? Godric? Helga?"

* * *

Hermione was leading Helga to Azkaban, when her beeper rang. "Hello? Hi Ron! Sure, I'll be there. Hugs and kisses, bye." She looked over at Helga. "I'm afraid that your trip to Azkaban will have to be delayed, I have a meeting I cannot postpone."

"With Ron?"

"Yes."

"Who is Ron?"

Hermione blushed, "My husband."

"Ah."

"Grab my hand and close your eyes." Hermione closed her eyes and concentrated on her house. There was a pop. Hermione opened her eyes. They were there.

Helga's mouth dropped open. "Rowena? Salazar?" Then she added with disgust, "Godric?"


	5. And You Are

Rowena hummed to herself. This was nice. The house really had some good points, like the refrigerator. Imagine, being able to keep meat from spoiling for days on end! She knew it was wrong, but she had actually lied to Ron. She _didn't_ know everything. She just knew what had happened and who was responsible. And what the past was supposed to look like. She didn't know the future, no one did. She had lied so that Ron would listen to her. And so he wouldn't think her eleven hundred year coma had been wasted on learning how to make the perfect peanut and jelly sandwich. (Which, of course, it had.)

There was a series of three popping noises and she looked up. "Salazar? Helga? Godric?" She jumped up from the couch and ran over to Salazar. "Oh, Salazar, I was afraid I'd never see you again!"

"Hush, now. Stop crying." Salazar wiped away the tears she hadn't known she had been shedding.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Hello, Helga, Godric. I haven't introduced you yet. This is Ronald Weasley."

Salazar indicated a young man who looked like Godric. "This is Harry Potter."

"Hermione Granger Weasley." Helga said.

"Ginny Weasley Potter." Stated Godric. "Now, Helga. Why are you mad at me?"

"You turned me in!"

"I did nothing of the sort!"

"I say you did! You told the king I was a witch and they were going to have me--have me—" Helga stopped, sobbing. Rowena disentangled herself from Salazar and went over to put her arms around her friend.

"Hush, Helga. It's all right. No one knows but you, me, Godric, Salazar, Hermione, Ginny, Ron, and Harry. I don't know them that well, but I don't think any of them would turn you in."

"Godric did. And Hermione was going to send me to Azkaban."

"Godric is a meddling fool and Hermione was just doing her job."

"I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right. Now, let's introduce ourselves to the people of '07."

"Okay."

"Hello. My name is Rowena Ravenclaw."

"Salazar Slytherin."

"Helga Hufflepuff."

"Godric Gryffindor, at your service."

"Helga, Godric, and I are time travelers."

"I, on the other hand, spent eleven hundred years in a trance."

"Pleasant. I'm Harry Potter."

"Hermione Weasley."

"Ginny Potter."

"Ron Weasley, Ginny's brother."

"Charmed."

"Absolutely."

There was a long pause. "So…now what?" asked Godric.

"We need to stop Spartacus!" Rowena proclaimed.

"Huh?" asked everyone else.

"He's the one who is responsible for what happened to all of us."

"How?"

"He is a time traveler. He disguised himself as Godric and turned Helga in. He also gave them the serum that they injected into Helga, causing her to appear in this time. They discarded the rest of the serum, which somehow ended up sending Salazar and Godric here, too. He wants to rule the world."

"How will that make him ruler of the world?" asked a confused Helga.

"The four of us were supposed to found a school named Hogwarts where we taught magic to young witches and wizards. With us out of the way, there are no witches and wizards to oppose him."

There was silence, broken by Harry, "That's just mean."

Hermione looked like she had discovered something. "I've been having dreams lately. Harry was an orphan who had to kill the most dangerous wizard in the world. We all went to a school called Hogwarts and had adventures with the Sorcerer's Stone, the Chamber of Secrets, hippogriffs, the Goblet of Fire, Voldemort, the Ministry of Magic, Horcruxes." She looked at Salazar. "And it's all your fault! You built the Chamber of Secrets, you were the one who the left the other three founders, your descendent was Voldemort, you practically created Horcruxes! It's all your fault! All your fault…" Hermione dissolved into tears.

Ron punched Salazar in the nose with a satisfying crunch before hugging Hermione and wiping away her tears, occasionally glaring at Salazar who was clutching his bleeding nose and being reluctant to let Rowena fix it for him.

"Salazar, let me look at it, now!"

"Un, un!" Salazar mumbled while shaking his head.

"Salazar Slytherin!"

"Un," Salazar pouted like a little boy, "Meanie." However, he proffered his nose for inspection.

"Salazar! What has gotten into you?" Rowena shook her head as she healed his nose with the flick of her wand. "C'mon, guys, we've got to work together. Today is Monday. By my calculations, if we don't stop Spartacus by noon on Wednesday, it's going to be impossible." She turned around from where she had been inspecting the front of the fridge for imperfections. "Guys!"

The seven of them had formed two teams, the 876s and the 2007s. They were fighting and the 876s were sorely losing because Ron didn't have an opponent and was helping Hermione in beating up one 876er after another. "Honestly! Stop being children!"

However, no one even noticed that she had spoken. She noticed a shoe flying in the air in her direction. Then all she saw was black.

* * *

Hermione woke up to find herself in a quite compromising situation. He was sitting on her chest and she found it difficult to breath. "Ron." She croaked.

"What, 'Mione?"

"You're suffocating me."

He hopped off of her. "I'm so sorry, 'Mione. Are you alright?"

"Fine. Why were you sitting on me?"

"I…I don't remember. I just remember punching Salazar. And I don't even remember why I did that. Who am I? Where am I? Who are you?"

"Your name is Ronald Billius Weasley. You are at our house. I'm Hermione Anne Granger Weasley, your wife."

"How do I know that you're telling the truth? Are you a spy? I knew the Russians were spying on me! They want the government's secrets."

"What government secrets?"

"I work somewhere where they tell me government secrets on a daily basis."

"Ron. You work as a night watchman at the museum. All they tell you is that you aren't working hard enough. Something I totally disagree with, I never see you anymore."

"No. I work for the CIA. I'm an American agent."

"Ron."

"I do! Look at the TV. Today the Twin Towers in America will get run into by planes. I just got the information from a government agent but I didn't get an opportunity to tell my superior."

Hermione dubiously picked up the remote and turned on the TV.

"And our breaking news for today. In America, the Kansas teenager had been found. I'm afraid that that's our most exciting news for today. Isn't that right, Bob?"

"I'm afraid so, Mark. It seems like it is a very calm week. The last big news was last week when the American ambassador asked the Prime Minister for an audience. It turned out, he had been having an affair with the Prime Minister's daughter and wanted permission to marry her."

Hermione turned off the TV and turned to Ron, who was swaying. She dropped the remote and caught him as he fainted. "Careful, Ron. You don't want to wake up anyone else." She added as she noticed that there were six more people sleeping on the floor, in various forms of what she had been in with Ron.

"Yeah. Don't want to interrupt them."

Hermione smiled weakly. "Let's go back to sleep, Ron."


End file.
